Oh, it’s absolutely amazing and maybe I’ll write a blog on why it’s so cool. But today is not that day, it is a day of mourning. Let me explain.
I knew coming here that no one would stay here, people would come and go. We would come and go. I knew kids in my grade were applying for prestigious schools in Canada and the States. I knew one of my friends was applying. But not until lunch did it hit me that we would all go our separate ways.
My “group” consists on five people: Me, my best friend who’s a girl, and three other boys. Sometimes other boys will eat with us but it’s always the five of us. Somehow we got into the topic of us going to different schools and whatever and I asked one of the boys, Jess, if he was going. He said probably.
Me, being a very emotional person and someone who deeply cares about people and hates letting go of people (ironically…) was devastated. Then my best friend, Sylvia, told me again that she would possibly be going but probably not. I asked another boy, Minjune, is he was going and he shrugged. I asked the final boy, Peter, and he said probably. How could this happen? How did I not see this? My friend group of three weeks would crumble away and three months as at least three of them went off to different time zones.
Then I had hope. I asked Sylvia “you said you were on the waitlist though? And it’s really hard to get off?” and she confirmed this. I looked at Jess, with selfish intentions and asked him if he was on the waiting list and he said yes. Relief washed over me for a couple seconds before he said “But I’m most likely getting in” and then his reasons why. This is when it hit me how INCREDIBLY smart my friends are. Of course they would get into these schools. Suddenly shame washed over me for having hope that they would attend school here, they deserve to have the best education possible.
A blur of things happened but I ended up crying on Sylvia’s shoulder, my hair hiding my face from the outside world of negativity. It wasn’t a lot of crying, just some tears and me trying to compose myself. Then Sylvia said something else after I was done and I started to cry again, this time hyperventilating. It wasn’t pretty.
Thank goodness my next class was with Sylvia because she helped me feel the slightest bit better. I was quiet the whole time (something I never am) and my emotions did not improve much. I almost cried 2-3 times.
Everyone says “We’ll text! We’ll keep in contact!” but it doesn’t work like that. You do at first. “How’s Korea?” “Cool, how’s the States?” “Same as ever.” But quickly it stops. You go months without talking to your friends. No matter how much you love them. You become busy and grow apart. Sylvia, Jess, Minjune, and Peter didn’t seem to realise that though.
I know that when we start to grow apart, we won’t care as much as we care now. We will accept it and will be fine with it. But right now it is something I can not stop myself from worrying about.